Archive - 2014

1
KKKparty.com – Where White Pride Meets The Electric Slide
2
Got CokeMoney.com?
3
Domain Names Jesus Probably Didn’t Register (But Somebody Did)
4
From Schweddy Balls, DomainRoast.com was Born
5
Domain Robin Hood Saves URL of NFL Star
6
Google Says “Jews Can’t Jump”
7
Fiberburst.com + Pantybomb.com= HappyShit.com
8
Should The World’s Tallest Clown Have His Own Website?
9
New Website Aims To Warn Others of Craft Beer Douchebags
10
PimpGoat.com – Where’s My Money Doe?

KKKparty.com – Where White Pride Meets The Electric Slide

KKKparty.com couldn’t have dropped at a more perfect time for the GOP. Now that the incoming House majority whip, Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) just acknowledged that he spoke at a white-supremacist event organized by a neo-Nazi group in 2002, the GOP should just embrace it all.   This way when your next Tea Party member spouts off some horribly racist bullshit, flip the switch on the “lame stream” media and just remind us Americans that “white pride” goes with “Electric Slide” and it’s all about beer, guns,  and two-steppin’ (if the white folk can’t quite master the rhythm of The Electric Slide).   Have KKKparty.com  supply a whites-only party in a box with everything you need for that ultimate KKK backyard BBQ.

Every KKKparty.com set could include the following:

1.  Fucked Up Party Teeth

bubbateeth

2.  Fun Keychains for the Kids

hitlerkeychain

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Got CokeMoney.com?

Anytime you ask friends, “Wanna do some coke tonight?”, the reaction is almost universally:

And then it comes down to who has the coke money.  If you’re cool, you’ve already purchased the coke before getting your friends all amped up on anticipation. If you’re only semi-cool, you have a coke dealer on speed dial, but you’re going to ask everyone to chip in. Coke money doesn’t just grow on trees (yes, we know it’s from the coca plant, but a plant is not a tree).  If you’re not cool at all, you have no drug connections of any kind and probably ask younger, hip looking people, “You know where I can score some drugs?”

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Domain Names Jesus Probably Didn’t Register (But Somebody Did)

For this special Christmas Eve post of Domain Roast, we found domain names that we’re pretty sure Jesus didn’t register.  Outside of The New Testament, the only place you may see Jesus’s name more is on the daily drop lists of expiring domain names.  People love registering domains about Jesus. Many of the names are religious (duh) and not ripe for roasting, but a few have expired in the past few weeks that deserve a Christmas shout out.  As of this posting, all of these names are available for registration, so if you need a last minute gift for that person who is hard to buy for, we’ve got you covered.

JesusNoogies.com

My initial thought was a youth pastor who looks like the manny from Modern Family (played so brilliantly by Adam Devine), giving a noogie to any pudgy kid from The Goonies.  But, then I found a mouse pad for sale, where Jesus is giving a noogie to Satan.  While Domain Roast doesn’t normally plug products or services, this mouse pad is awesome and makes a great stocking stuffer.  Plus, it’s only $7.77.  You can buy one here.

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From Schweddy Balls, DomainRoast.com was Born

Sometimes ideas, the good, the bad, and the stupid can’t help when they decide to be born.  The idea for Domain Roast burst into this overly-crowded world of dog bloggers, mommy bloggers, food bloggers, whoa-is-me bloggers, domain bloggers, etc. in September 2014 (although it’s actual birth was just a few days ago).  I was at my day job perusing a Godaddy auction for a work related domain name when I stumbled upon schweddyballs.com and saw that it was an expiring name auction.  It had been years since I’d seen this most hilarious SNL skit.  I went to YouTube and watched it in all of its magical glory, then shared it with a younger co-worker who’d never seen it.  She cried from laughing so hard.

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Domain Robin Hood Saves URL of NFL Star

Hopefully, Carolina Panthers linebacker and Super Bowl champ (when he was with the Giants), Chase Blackburn, saw my tweet today.  Chase’s domain name, ChaseBlackburn.com, appears to have been registered by his agent, KMG Sports.  Well, someone forgot to renew it.  A few days ago I noticed that it was being auctioned off through Godaddy’s auction platform.  Luckily, no one bid on it.  Because of that, Godaddy then just set a “buy now” price, which currently is $9.00 (was $10.00 a few hours ago).

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Google Says “Jews Can’t Jump”

When I saw that JewsCanJump.com had just dropped and was now available for purchase again, I did what everyone else does in these situations — I asked Google if Jews could really jump,because if Jews jumping is a thing, maybe this name has some value.  As you can see, Google doesn’t think Jews can jump.

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Fiberburst.com + Pantybomb.com= HappyShit.com

Don’t get enough fiber from your daily diet?  

Do you sometimes feel bloated and disgusting, like you have hardening sludge in your stomach?  

Do you want to feel thinner without getting your ass off the couch?

If I told you that you could feel really thin, but you may shit in your pants to achieve the result, would you do it?

If you answered YES to the above questions, it’s time to start downing Fiberburst until every last piece of fecal matter in your body flows like a  gooey chocolate kiss down a rainbow into our patent-pending Pantybomb, guaranteed to keep your shit contained.  And, if you don’t want your shit to stink, try Pantybomb Rose Garden.

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Should The World’s Tallest Clown Have His Own Website?

As a new convert / viewer of American Horror Story: Freak Show (Season 4), I’ve spent a lot of time remembering why clowns creep me out.  I’ll admit that I’ve been viewing the world lately through the prism of American Horror Story.  And, that is how you are now reading about BuckNolan.com (which you can buy at Godaddy).Charles Logan Buxton (stage name:  Buck Nolan) was the world’s tallest clown, towering over everyone at 7’4″.   Even though Buck died in 2004, I haven’t found a taller clown.

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New Website Aims To Warn Others of Craft Beer Douchebags

Well, the website doesn’t exist yet, but the domain name BeerDouches.com is available.  Plus, it’s versatile and brandable. And, it’s a category killer in the ever growing douchebag market. The no brainer use for this domain is a site (and corresponding app) that warns you when a craft beer douchebag may be near you at your local brew pub / gastro pub / place with a million local beers on tap.  Nothing worse than getting beer shamed while simply trying to get a cold one.

Yeah, maybe Stella Artois isn’t the greatest beer ever, but if I’m next to you ordering it, I don’t need a lesson on yeast and hops.  Maybe I’m just ordering the first thing I see because I want to get away from your Unibomber beard and that knit beanie you bought at Hollister (but want to pretend you bought at someplace that sells sustainable cotton, viscose and nylon blends).  If BeerDouches.com was up and running, hopefully someone would have already registered your phone number on the site, so the GPS signal could identify where you are in the bar and I could just move to another open spot to order in peace.

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PimpGoat.com – Where’s My Money Doe?

When I saw GoatPimp.com had just expired and was available again for registration, I immediately thought the same thing you would  – a pimp who also happened to be a goat, like this player above. As I began my search to see what would have made someone register that domain in the first place, I learned more than one could ever possibly want to know about goat sex.  What other blog can provide such random scientific, yet mildly amusing information without a pay wall?

The first thing I discovered was the only other blog posting (possibly ever ) with “Goat Pimp” in the title.  While there aren’t pictures, this guy leaves nothing to the imagination.  Honestly, the text is enough to scar one for life, but seriously is a must read.  To be fair, the pimp goat blogger does post this warning before the piece:

If you are offended or think you may become offended by somewhat graphic descriptions of goat foreplay and sex, stop reading right now

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