Author - Domain Roaster

1 – Where White Pride Meets The Electric Slide
Domain Names Jesus Probably Didn’t Register (But Somebody Did)
From Schweddy Balls, was Born
Google Says “Jews Can’t Jump”
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Should The World’s Tallest Clown Have His Own Website?
New Website Aims To Warn Others of Craft Beer Douchebags
8 – Where’s My Money Doe?
9 – How To Ensure You Never Get Laid
Two Whiskey Dicks Who Could Kick Your Ass, Then Invite You to A Concert – Where White Pride Meets The Electric Slide couldn’t have dropped at a more perfect time for the GOP. Now that the incoming House majority whip, Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) just acknowledged that he spoke at a white-supremacist event organized by a neo-Nazi group in 2002, the GOP should just embrace it all.   This way when your next Tea Party member spouts off some horribly racist bullshit, flip the switch on the “lame stream” media and just remind us Americans that “white pride” goes with “Electric Slide” and it’s all about beer, guns,  and two-steppin’ (if the white folk can’t quite master the rhythm of The Electric Slide).   Have  supply a whites-only party in a box with everything you need for that ultimate KKK backyard BBQ.

Every set could include the following:

1.  Fucked Up Party Teeth


2.  Fun Keychains for the Kids


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Domain Names Jesus Probably Didn’t Register (But Somebody Did)

For this special Christmas Eve post of Domain Roast, we found domain names that we’re pretty sure Jesus didn’t register.  Outside of The New Testament, the only place you may see Jesus’s name more is on the daily drop lists of expiring domain names.  People love registering domains about Jesus. Many of the names are religious (duh) and not ripe for roasting, but a few have expired in the past few weeks that deserve a Christmas shout out.  As of this posting, all of these names are available for registration, so if you need a last minute gift for that person who is hard to buy for, we’ve got you covered.

My initial thought was a youth pastor who looks like the manny from Modern Family (played so brilliantly by Adam Devine), giving a noogie to any pudgy kid from The Goonies.  But, then I found a mouse pad for sale, where Jesus is giving a noogie to Satan.  While Domain Roast doesn’t normally plug products or services, this mouse pad is awesome and makes a great stocking stuffer.  Plus, it’s only $7.77.  You can buy one here.

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From Schweddy Balls, was Born

Sometimes ideas, the good, the bad, and the stupid can’t help when they decide to be born.  The idea for Domain Roast burst into this overly-crowded world of dog bloggers, mommy bloggers, food bloggers, whoa-is-me bloggers, domain bloggers, etc. in September 2014 (although it’s actual birth was just a few days ago).  I was at my day job perusing a Godaddy auction for a work related domain name when I stumbled upon and saw that it was an expiring name auction.  It had been years since I’d seen this most hilarious SNL skit.  I went to YouTube and watched it in all of its magical glory, then shared it with a younger co-worker who’d never seen it.  She cried from laughing so hard.

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Google Says “Jews Can’t Jump”

When I saw that had just dropped and was now available for purchase again, I did what everyone else does in these situations — I asked Google if Jews could really jump,because if Jews jumping is a thing, maybe this name has some value.  As you can see, Google doesn’t think Jews can jump.

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Don’t get enough fiber from your daily diet?  

Do you sometimes feel bloated and disgusting, like you have hardening sludge in your stomach?  

Do you want to feel thinner without getting your ass off the couch?

If I told you that you could feel really thin, but you may shit in your pants to achieve the result, would you do it?

If you answered YES to the above questions, it’s time to start downing Fiberburst until every last piece of fecal matter in your body flows like a  gooey chocolate kiss down a rainbow into our patent-pending Pantybomb, guaranteed to keep your shit contained.  And, if you don’t want your shit to stink, try Pantybomb Rose Garden.

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Should The World’s Tallest Clown Have His Own Website?

As a new convert / viewer of American Horror Story: Freak Show (Season 4), I’ve spent a lot of time remembering why clowns creep me out.  I’ll admit that I’ve been viewing the world lately through the prism of American Horror Story.  And, that is how you are now reading about (which you can buy at Godaddy).Charles Logan Buxton (stage name:  Buck Nolan) was the world’s tallest clown, towering over everyone at 7’4″.   Even though Buck died in 2004, I haven’t found a taller clown.

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New Website Aims To Warn Others of Craft Beer Douchebags

Well, the website doesn’t exist yet, but the domain name is available.  Plus, it’s versatile and brandable. And, it’s a category killer in the ever growing douchebag market. The no brainer use for this domain is a site (and corresponding app) that warns you when a craft beer douchebag may be near you at your local brew pub / gastro pub / place with a million local beers on tap.  Nothing worse than getting beer shamed while simply trying to get a cold one.

Yeah, maybe Stella Artois isn’t the greatest beer ever, but if I’m next to you ordering it, I don’t need a lesson on yeast and hops.  Maybe I’m just ordering the first thing I see because I want to get away from your Unibomber beard and that knit beanie you bought at Hollister (but want to pretend you bought at someplace that sells sustainable cotton, viscose and nylon blends).  If was up and running, hopefully someone would have already registered your phone number on the site, so the GPS signal could identify where you are in the bar and I could just move to another open spot to order in peace.

Read More – Where’s My Money Doe?

When I saw had just expired and was available again for registration, I immediately thought the same thing you would  – a pimp who also happened to be a goat, like this player above. As I began my search to see what would have made someone register that domain in the first place, I learned more than one could ever possibly want to know about goat sex.  What other blog can provide such random scientific, yet mildly amusing information without a pay wall?

The first thing I discovered was the only other blog posting (possibly ever ) with “Goat Pimp” in the title.  While there aren’t pictures, this guy leaves nothing to the imagination.  Honestly, the text is enough to scar one for life, but seriously is a must read.  To be fair, the pimp goat blogger does post this warning before the piece:

If you are offended or think you may become offended by somewhat graphic descriptions of goat foreplay and sex, stop reading right now

Read More – How To Ensure You Never Get Laid

What is classier than a penis t-shirt?  Only the guy wearing one OR the guy (or gal) who owns

I’m just going to throw this out there, but if you’re the kind of guy who would want a penis t-shirt, you probably have have one or more of the following:

  • No chance of ever getting laid
  • A small penis
  • A Hummer (for which a small penis is a prerequisite to own)
  • A beer belly

Too harsh?  Well, below is  a sampling of a few penis t-shirts.  See if you can picture or know of any good looking, steroid-free, fit guys, with a personality and life, who have ever worn one (A one-time exemption for one college party is permitted).

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Two Whiskey Dicks Who Could Kick Your Ass, Then Invite You to A Concert

One of the great things about Domain Roast is that because of domains other people registered, we often learn about things that would have never crossed our radar. No, it’s not Whiskey Dick, Oregon.  It’s not Whiskey Dick Mountain in Washington State, either.  True, we did not know that these places existed, but we did learn about their existence while we were searching for Whiskey Dick Records.

We wondered whether there was ever or could be a record label called Whiskey Dick.  We couldn’t imagine a rocker bragging, “Yeah, so I just signed with Whiskey Dick Records.”

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