For those not in the know, Dink is a nifty little acronym invented in the 80’s (its true, Wikipedia said so), which stands for Dual Income, No Kids. These financial wizards had the good sense and emotional fortitude to abstain from child rearing – and instead fill that hole in their lives with expensive cars, numerous vacations and the high possibility of Early Retirement (DINKER).
These poor, pitiful souls must endlessly dine out in the finest restaurants to replace the beautiful joy of a toddler flinging spaghetti at them and then crying for two hours. Shells of human beings, they wander the tropical beaches of this world, necessarily paranoid a cartel might realize their net worth. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Hey, that’s me!” well we’ve got an exciting opportunity for you. Over 15,000 people plop the word Dink into a search engine every month, and yet Dink.com is available! Estibot.com values Dink.com at $47,000, and that’s just a fraction of the $300k that you saved by not popping out your own little poop machine.
Dink.com represents a glorious chance to break away from the endless cycle of BMW models and arguing about whose turn it is to get up and pay the maid. All the antiquing and small dogs in the world can only do some much for your emotional well-being. You need a project, and that project should help all of Dink kind. DomainRoast locked its best interns in the conference room for 3 days and these are the possible uses for Dink.com that they came up with. (We suspect they may have huffed the markers.)
Adopting Unemployed People
Not kids! Eww, so sticky! And what in god’s name is that sour smell? Why would you willingly take in a germ-riddled sugar junky who acts like a drunk? Nope, you dodged that bullet and good for you, but that does leave a problem. After all, you can only earmark so much of your estate for the animal humane society before you run the risk of one of those vacuous volunteers getting ideas…
Instead, adopt a full grown slacker! Pick any one of the barely sober English majors you remember from college. Or your friend’s kid who’s in a band. You can listen to all of their adorable ideas about liberal politics and ‘work-life-balance’ while they load the car and mow the lawn. For room, board and a small chunk of your assets upon death, you would gain a live-in cat sitter and, if trained right, a damn good pedicurist.
Like a dating site, you could create a profile listing you and your SO’s needs –such as a tolerance for scented candles. Prospective sponges could then use their mom’s laptop or PS4’s built in browser to let you know just how advanced their topiary skills are. Who says indentured servitude needs to STAY dead? If you nab an unemployed millennial now, maybe they can make the site for you.
Filtered Facebook Viewer.
Let’s be honest, we are ALL sick of baby pictures, other people’s food and invitations to ‘RIP Grandma’ groups. It’s making Facebook nearly unusable and frankly makes you wonder if anyone even notices YOUR pictures of food, which are clearly better and have a way nicer filter. (Sepia for tacos? Really Kim?)
Websites like Enjoygram.com and Bottlr.co let you look at Instagram and Vine, respectively, and nobody is quite sure why they exist. Plus, they don’t even go the extra mile and eliminate people’s ugly children and political rants for you. Imagine Dink.com acting as a gateway, a window to another world in which only smart, attractive couples who want to get drinks later are allowed to post – and lots of cat videos, obviously. A rich tapestry of selfies in front of the stuff, selfies in the bathroom mirror and pictures of people’s feet.
We mourn the loss of DinkLife.com, which by all appearances has either shuttered its proverbial doors or been the latest target of Bureau 121. But that only means now is the time to strike! Dinkbook.co is only $9.99. At that price, you can grab Dinkbook.co and still have money left over for Dink.com. Either way, you gotta do something quick before either one becomes a Peter Dinklage fan site.
Paris just starts to feel a little less impressive the sixth time, especially when you’re not in an open relationship. I mean, you can only gaze in awe at a city’s monuments and priceless works of art so many times before it all feels a little ho-hum.
Dinks need an easy pipeline to meet strangers they can have barely masked brag battles with under the guise of sophisticated conversation. After all, someone needs to be impressed by your knowledge of Southern French wine regions or else why did you bother learning it at all?
Picture it: you pull out your phone and type something witty like “Tourists at the Eiffel waiting in line, you’d think they had never been to Paris before…” and a nearby Dink couple can see it and respond – like Grindr, but for douchebags! You can meet at a nearby café and have jolly battles over which restaurants are the most ‘authentic’, or who among you says ‘merci’ with the best accent. And if you really hit it off, maybe a drunken spouse swap will be in order – those breeders don’t know what they’re missing!
Regardless of what you do with it, Dink.com is an opportunity to show the world just how much more fun you’re having than anyone else. Don’t waste it! Tweet us back with some of your Dinky ideas and we just might retweet some of them, if we’re not too busy at our champagne brunch.