Domain Names Jesus Probably Didn’t Register (But Somebody Did)

For this special Christmas Eve post of Domain Roast, we found domain names that we’re pretty sure Jesus didn’t register.  Outside of The New Testament, the only place you may see Jesus’s name more is on the daily drop lists of expiring domain names.  People love registering domains about Jesus. Many of the names are religious (duh) and not ripe for roasting, but a few have expired in the past few weeks that deserve a Christmas shout out.  As of this posting, all of these names are available for registration, so if you need a last minute gift for that person who is hard to buy for, we’ve got you covered.

My initial thought was a youth pastor who looks like the manny from Modern Family (played so brilliantly by Adam Devine), giving a noogie to any pudgy kid from The Goonies.  But, then I found a mouse pad for sale, where Jesus is giving a noogie to Satan.  While Domain Roast doesn’t normally plug products or services, this mouse pad is awesome and makes a great stocking stuffer.  Plus, it’s only $7.77.  You can buy one here.

jesusnoogieI also found a slight interpretation of the Jesus / Satin noogie giving and receiving scene played out by these two famous guys below:

., bush_saddam

All in all, is a name I love and it’s available for registration at  I remain certain that Jesus probably wouldn’t snap this one up.

This name almost didn’t make it in the post because I couldn’t think of how to make some connection between Jews for Jesus and brews for Jesus.  Luckily, I didn’t have to.  The Jews for Jesus folks did it for me with their “Brews for Jesus” campaign of handing out free iced coffee in NYC in July 2014.

Now, that was a layup. So, much thanks to my Messianic Jewish brothers and sisters for making it so easy.  Who knew Brews for Jesus was a thing?  Certainly, not this Jew whose not “for” Jesus in the religious sense, not that there’s anything wrong with that.  But, I’d sure be up for buying this fun and available name at

But, when it comes to brew and Jesus, it’s still beer over coffee.  Beer and Jesus is a winning combination.  There’s a beer and Bible study Meetup group in Milwaukee, WI.  Churches in New York City are  serving craft beer as a way to attract new parishioners.   And, for those of you who  think Jesus turned water into wine at The Wedding at Cana…um, sorry, according to, he actually turned it into beer.

When I first saw on a drop list, I thought, “No fucking way there is anyone out there talking about this.”  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  It’s a commercial juggernaut, complete with t-shirts, tank tops, and sweatshirts courtesy of  There’s even a Tumblr page dedicated to.  Where does Domain Roast fall on twerking for Jesus?  We agree with this kid:

If I were you, I’d buy, and get this kid as the site’s spokesperson.

Just in case you were wondering, when it comes to Jesus’s value in the domain world  versus other religions’s main figures, Jesus beats everyone hands down, including his own father. is worth $1,000,000, while comes in at $540,000.  Then there’s a big drop when you get to at $211,000 and at $67,000.

Merry Christmas to all of our Christian Domain Roast readers.


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